tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2899018576420083198.post4140505738926015076..comments2023-08-12T00:51:02.219-07:00Comments on The Pilgrimgram: Telling the Truth in Our RelationshipsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2899018576420083198.post-74822239030318774122008-11-12T20:37:00.000-08:002008-11-12T20:37:00.000-08:00We know one of the requirements for open disclosur...We know one of the requirements for open disclosure in counseling is an atmosphere of safety. People won’t open up if they’re afraid of betrayal, gossip, criticism, or such things. Particularly with men, the sharing must be safe. I believe men are more emotionally vulnerable than women and they’re reluctant to disclose deep secrets that might be exploited. Men talk about very superficial things in general - the weather, sports, traffic, etc. Women tend to get very personal in conversation. Women tend to complain when their husbands don’t talk about their private thoughts. I’m not trying to bash women, but few wives provide a safe enough platform for the discussion. Many guys are afraid their problems will become a public issue around the neighborhood or within the family. Worse yet, many wives are far too critical of their husbands. I stopped sharing anything with my ex-wife after years of constant criticism. <BR/><BR/>What about the church?<BR/><BR/>Does this reflect the church’s environment? Are we a safe group to disclose our weakness, habits, flaws, and sins to? Many people would say ‘no’. Many of us in the church have been burned by gossip. I was asked not to return to my church because of the things my ex-wife said about me to the pastors. Many people are justifiably scared to death that their church will find out about their private life. We must find a way to become ‘safe’ without enabling or condoning the flaws of our brothers.<BR/><BR/>You’re right of course - the key lies in building stronger relationships. Only when we’ve demonstrated a loving, compassionate heart and have convinced our friend that we have their best interest in mind, will they disclose the deepest parts of their life and accept our counsel. Perhaps some of us haven’t developed the love and compassion yet, and shouldn’t be trusted. That might be the first thing to fix.<BR/><BR/>The effectiveness of pastoral counseling (or any ministry) is limited by the depth of the relationship between the individuals involved. Trust and respect come first. That requires time and proximity. The most natural place to develop the relationship is in the shared proximity spaces of home and work. These are the untapped reservoirs of ministry that wait for be explored.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com